The Closet

12 Dec
Yet another bad example of a double exposure shot. (I could be wrong.)

Yet another bad example of a double exposure shot. (I could be wrong.)

This is a modified version of an email I sent to a friend last night.

It came as a surprise when you said to me, “I disappointed you, like everyone else.” It surprised me not only because it was totally uncalled for, but also because it was coming from a wrong person.

I don’t open up myself to a lot of people, because whoever once discovers me entirely, leaves me behind and forgets all the promises he/she once made to me. Maybe they do it inadvertently, but they never realise that on the other side of the road, a drain is left uncovered. Sometimes I let out my feelings out of frustration, but that doesn’t normally have any effect on the adverse outcome I am naturally obliged to cope with.

I am a person with simple motives. I need back the love I give. I’m living in a world where it’s impossible to live a selfless life. I don’t consider myself a selfless person, but that doesn’t make me selfish either. When I misbehave, I expect to be scolded and rampantly criticized, but I don’t expect to not ever being spoken to again. When I apologise even for the tenth time after making the same mistake, I expect to be given a chance. When I advise candidly, I expect the other person to follow and appreciate my advice instead of insulting me. When I am being nice to someone, I expect a warm hug in return.

I don’t expect to be thrown into someone’s priority list. I don’t expect to be played with. I don’t expect to be sidelined. I don’t expect to be misjudged. I don’t expect my voice to be lost in the crowd. I don’t expect to not being given prominence when I deserve it.

I am a person who doesn’t like to pretend, but I do pretend anyway. Society is a dirty word, I believe, and it fabricates our minds to a point where we aren’t sure of our own identity. So I pretend. I pretend that the world is a beautiful place to live in, regardless of how often I am mistreated.

Perhaps, I’m too selfish. But then again, I’m not selfish for money. I don’t have a longing for immature relationships. I don’t refer to people as my best friends just to win their favour. I don’t give false hopes. I’m selfish for my daily life needs.

Disappointed, I surely am. But not in you. I am disappointed in the people who play it wrong. The people who, despite knowing the malicious outcome of their deeds, do not abstain from doing what they do.

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6 Responses to “The Closet”

  1. Zeeshan Ahmed December 12, 2011 at 7:57 PM #

    Sigh. Everything you’ve written is true, and right from your heart. I can feel it. Feel it for sure.
    It’s really amazing how this whole thing works. People call you with names behind your back, make fun of you, and yet they call you their best friend and so on. We’re not foolish, no. We’re just pretending, yes. No matter how much we try, people will keep on judging. And to hell with them. I often say “spread happiness” but I also know that as soon as one starts spreading it, deep inside he feels the need of some “happiness” as well. He might never feel the need of it, but deep inside it will keep on living, and God forbid, there will come a day when it will start making him weak. Weaker and weaker is soul will become. Because, he’s not getting the happiness in return, but rather the cold stares if people, empty words, fake expressions and so on. Sigh.
    But there are people in your life too, who will go to the very depth of ‘you’ to make you feel happy, to make your life worthwhile, to pull that sadness out of you, and make feel alive.
    Stay blessed bro.

    -Peace

  2. MothSmokeLover December 12, 2011 at 8:40 PM #

    First of all this is beautifully worded. Everything you’ve said is true. All of the aforementioned. And there’s no formula to get it right. Some people will use you rather abuse your friendship and some will be there for you no matter what but its up to you to allow people to craw into your skin. The power is always within us even during the most fragile moment(s). And by the time you’re 30 consider yourself lucky if you even have a couple of really good friends only because with time people either tend to fall apart or become even closer. And as for people in general…well they’re always going to be these so so called “fillers” so that we always value the ones who are worth the risk. 🙂

  3. Anas Shafqat December 12, 2011 at 9:11 PM #

    People NEVER abstain. At least, those who just put up the farce of being one’s best friend – but in truth, are not. People would use you. Abuse your friendship and after doing so, crumple you like a distasteful piece of paper and throw you away.
    But life goes on – with a hope, that one day you’d find someone who would truly be your best friend 🙂

    Great job, Aadil. I find it amazing that for the past few days you are penning down exactly what I have been experiencing nowadays. Boy, you’re are going up on my blogroll! 🙂

  4. SaFire December 14, 2011 at 5:15 PM #

    hit the heart at the right place. deja vu. you should write a novel. it will be a best seller. you have the gift of words.

    • Aadil Aijaz December 14, 2011 at 5:30 PM #

      Thanks a lot! Maybe I’ll manage to write a book in the next 20 years, if not more. 😉

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