4 May

My friend tells me that life is not a question of ‘what if’; it rather is about ‘now what’. In a world of status and honour, I probably wouldn’t agree with the idea. Those high profile corporates always live by the rule of ‘what if’. But I live with a frame of mind that doesn’t understand these worldly concepts of future-planning and whatnot. I live in a world that revolves around me all the time, and anything that doesn’t involve me is irrelevant.

But my friend who tells me of these long-abandoned ideas, reminds me that living the present is the way to spend time. But ‘me’ is a word that’s hard to forget, and harder to avoid.

My complacency keeps me from buying ideas that might sink my desires down the priority list. But then again, I don’t have a priority list; perhaps I have never noticed one in that tiny closet that houses secrets weighing thousands of tons. I will take time discovering my own closet, because everything doesn’t fall out of it when the doors open; even the known secrets have to be pulled out with scores of strength.

Strength, my friend, is what one requires to have enough faith in God to be able to move away from what-ifs, and it’s a shame I do not possess that much strength yet. My mother dearest says that negation of oneself is where the true acceptance of God’s existence begins. Will I be able to negate myself?

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